My Love Affair with New York

I miss New York.  New York is like an ex-boyfriend that I keep wanting to go back to over and over again.  And a visit isn’t enough.  I need to be with him in another long term relationship.  A few years before I made the move to California, I moved to New York (Brooklyn to be exact and I worked in Long Island City, Queens and then later in Manhattan).  And while I’ve been blessed to have lived in the “big 3” cities, of America, my heart longs for New York.  So as I sit, in the windy city, I reminisce of my time in the city that never sleeps.
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Grief

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Saturday night, before going to bed, I’d visually planned out what my Sunday walk, with Maxx, would look like.  I knew what jeans, jacket, shirt and shoes I would wear.  The weather was supposed to be nice so I was looking forward to this long walk, my time with God and my music (Maxx does his own thing during our walks so he never pays any attention, to me).  On Sunday, I wore the exact outfit I’d mentally planned, but for a different reason than I thought.  A family member passed away.

In disbelief, I sat holding the phone while my mom cried, trying to tell me what happened.  I could barely understand what she was saying, but I heard the name.  I’d just communicated with this person, on Friday, she wasn’t sick, she wasn’t killed in a car accident and there was no freak accident. She simply passed away in her sleep.  Death is inevitable.  We all know it’s going to happen, but it’s never easy when it happens, Continue reading

Current Read: Beautiful Uncertainty

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Book synopsis (taken from back cover): Bestselling author of The Single Woman, Mandy Hale shares her journey of learning to love life as it is while waiting for it to become all it’s meant to be.  With humor, wit and transparency, Many touches on the topics such as walking with God, friendships and family relationships, romance, career and taking chances.  Compelling stories, takeaway thoughts, action steps and prayers will remind you to dream big no matter what lies before you and to look beyond your circumstances and find beauty in the uncertainty.  

I’m only half way through this book and so far I love it.  It’s just what I needed, at this time in my life.  Before this book, I’d never heard of Mandy Hale or any of her books, but Beautiful Uncertainty continued to pop up as a suggestion from Barnes and Nobles.  No Continue reading

Living the Life You Have While Waiting on the Life You Want

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Over the course of the past 12 – 18 months I’ve struggled with the “why me” complex.  You know that complex that makes you question why God has allowed every bad thing, every struggle, every burden, every difficult person and all the times He says no, to enter your life.  In that time I’ve learned that sometimes God has to knock you down to build you back up into the person you were meant to be.  This process doesn’t happen overnight and it’s definitely not easy.  So while you’re working and waiting for the life you want, here are some steps for living in the now.

 

Accept where you are and make a plan.  Whether you’re trying to lose weight, starting a new business, wanting a new car, want to start traveling, accept where you are and then Continue reading

Travel State of Mind: Marrakech, Morocco

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In the past 15 days I’ve been to Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Texas and Oklahoma.  I wasn’t visiting anything or anyone, in particular.  One day, I just decided to get in my car and drive.  I’m not working right now and I hate sitting still so it seemed like the logical thing to do.  I grew up as an only child and now as an adult, I live alone, but I always have this feeling of needing to “get away to be by myself.”  I believe that’s why I’m so obsessed with traveling.  I want to create memories in different places, while I have no other obligations or responsibilities.  Plus I figure I better do it while I can and do it for all those Continue reading

More Than a Victim – Surviving Rape

I’ve been in my feelings, lately.  The case about Bill Cosby has me feeling some kind of way.  Not because it’s Bill Cosby and not because of the allegations against him.  I’d feel the same way if it were anyone else.  Seeing and hearing, this story, almost everyday have begun to scrape at the edges of old wounds that I thought were forever covered, sealed and healed.

I was raped, in college.

It would be eight months before I was able to tell anyone about what happened.  I believe my roommate knew that something had happened to me, but she never said anything to me.  She was, however, more protective and inserted herself, in my life, in ways she had never done before.  At the time, I wish she would have left me alone, but later I was Continue reading

Never Deny a Woman From Telling Her Truth

a strong woman this is NOT

This is stupid!  I know the intentions behind this quote is supposed to motivate women, to let them know that in spite of all their daily struggles they are still strong, to let them know that their strength outshines their pain, to let them know that their ability to cover the reason behind their tears makes them a strong woman.  However, this quote does the exact opposite.  What it says, to women, is to cover the reason behind your tears by smiling and pretending that everything is okay.  It tells women that it’s okay to tell others you’re okay, even when you’re not.  For years, women have been force fed this idea that to be strong they have to hide behind their struggles and their pain.  But here’s the gotcha. There is no strength in pretending that you are okay.  The strength is being strong enough to say, “I’m not okay.”

For many years, I watched my god-sister put her life on hold to care for her daughter, who has autism, while also raising two other daughters.  She fought the public school system, in court, to ensure her daughter would receive the education and services she deserved.  She put her Continue reading

Life is a Beach

Today, Maxx and I spent some time at the beach.  There was nothing special happening there, but I figured it was a great place to hang out, for a little while and take some photos.  I gathered Maxx, my Sony A330 DSLR camera, my Beats headphones and headed to the beach.  After getting lost…damn GPS…we arrived at Redondo and Torrance (RAT) Beach.  I didn’t know it at the time, but the stillness, calmness and breathtaking views was exactly what I needed.

Here are some photos that captured our time at the beach.

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20 Things Nobody Told Me about Depression

Battling depression is challenging, confusing and emotional.  Some days, you feel as if things are getting better and you’re going to be okay.  While other days, you feel as if the world, as you know it, is coming to an end.  There’s no way to prepare you, for dealing with depression, since most times you’re depressed before you even know you’re suffering from depression.

As I continue this unwanted relationship, with depression, there are some things that I wish someone would’ve told me about managing this disease.  But since no one did, I’m going to share some of those things, in hopes that it might help someone else.

20 things nobody told me about depression:

1.  Because people can’t see it, they don’t think depression is real, so it’s hard to talk to friends and family about it.

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Aruba – One Happy Island

All I want to do is travel, meet dope people and eat great food!

Aruba is a beautiful island.  I mean it is absolutely breathtaking!  Several months ago, my friend Angel invited me and other women to celebrate her 40th birthday, in Aruba.  Initially, I was excited about the opportunity to travel to Aruba, because I’d never been before and I wanted to keep with my goal of at least one international trip, each year.  But then about two weeks before we were scheduled to leave, I no longer had the desire to go.  No energy, no motivation, I just didn’t want to be there.  The week that I was scheduled to leave, I went through the motions of packing, scheduling an airport pick-up, getting an international plan for my phone and putting an international travel alert on my credit cards.  I knew where the feeling of not wanting to go was coming from and I was determined not to let these feelings win.  By the time I arrived to LAX, I’d Continue reading